NEW YORK (AP) — Stephanie Joseph was working at a television station when someone started a false rumor claiming she and a married colleague were romantically involved.
Joseph, then 20, barely knew the man in question and didn’t hear the gossip until a producer told her it was circulating.
“I’m thinking to myself, this is crazy,” she recalled. “This particular male co-worker, although he was young, he was married with a family. So that made it even more insulting because I thought, ‘I’m friendly with these people. Don’t they know my character?’”
Details about the private lives or behavior of other people have a way of buzzing through workplaces. Gossip can damage the reputations of both its subjects and the people spreading it, who may come to be seen as untrustworthy. While those downsides are widely known, sharing the latest rumblings at work can also have benefits, experts said.
Whispered warnings about managers or colleagues who engage in abusive or problematic behavior may help coworkers avoid painful experiences, for example.
Gossiping can also increase cooperation and foster a sense of belonging in the workplace, said Rebecca Greenbaum, a professor of human resource management at Rutgers University who studies workplace gossip.
Many people gossip out of a need to connect with others who get their experience, and sharing sensitive information is a way of showing vulnerability and caring, she said.
“We need each other, right?” Greenbaum said. “For survival reasons, we need to know who we can trust. We need information, too, that’s helpful to us to figure out who to stay away from.”
Workplace experts and people who have experienced gossip explain when it helps, when it hurts and how to disengage without damaging professional relationships.
Context and intent matter when evaluating the value of gossip, said Stephen Lee, assistant professor of management, information systems and entrepreneurship at Washington State University. Gossip is often a sign of an overlooked or ignored issue that organizations need to address, he said.
“One of the motives that we see a lot is this desire to warn or protect someone else, like ’Hey, watch out for this, I want to give you a heads-up about this person,’” Lee said. The person receiving advice like that may be grateful and more inclined to assist the messenger down the road, he said.
If information is conveyed to caution colleagues about something serious, tell someone who’s in a position to solve the problem, such as a human resources representative, said Bev Vitali, leadership and capacity building fellow at the Tennessee Nonprofit Network.
“It becomes more proactive at that point where we’re going to actually make a case to help this situation,” Vitali said.
Talking with a trusted colleague about an upsetting or aggravating interaction with a manager or coworker gives people a way to manage difficult emotions and to get support at work, Lee said.
“It can give someone a greater sense of control over the situation,” he added.
Dispensing timely updates about someone can sometimes contribute to a better working environment. For example, sharing that a coworker is in a bad mood may cue colleagues to stay out of that person’s way for a while or to act exceptionally nice, Greenbaum said.
Gossip doesn’t have to mean communicating bad news or negative views. Colleagues can share endorsement-based gossip, saying they really liked what someone did even though that person isn’t there to accept the praise, Lee said.
Choose carefully whom you gossip with and how often because becoming known as someone who constantly dishes may cause coworkers to lose trust in you.
“When it comes to your personal brand, it’s all about trust and credibility,” said Mariah Humbert, an etiquette and image consultant based in New York City. “And if you are constantly engaging in negative talk or in gossip, that would be at risk.”
Vitali recalled participating in gossip at a former job amid rumors about a potential merger and layoffs. She remembers feeling less productive at work when engaging with the rumor mill.
“I found myself spending a lot of valuable work time talking to my colleagues about ’What do you know? What have you heard? What’s going on?’” Vitali said.
How you feel after participating in gossip can indicate whether the encounter was helpful or harmful. Ask yourself whether you’re spreading gossip for entertainment and be thoughtful about repeating something that could be damaging, Greenbaum suggested.
“Who are you gossiping about? Is it deserved? The rate of severity: is it super-severe gossip that’s really going to make the person look bad, or is it a little bit more on the mild side?” Greenbaum asked. “If you do get the guilt and shame reactions, pay attention to those because it might suggest to you that you’re not actually living up to your own moral norms.”
Venting to someone outside your organization is often a better solution, Vitali said. She remembers feeling badly about herself at the end of workdays that featured a lot of gossip time.
“It was such a temporary fix, almost like a sugar rush or doom scrolling where you know this is not the solution, but you can’t help yourself and you do it anyway,” Vitali said.
When gossip circulates, people may be tempted to participate as a way to fit in. For those who would rather abstain, there are other ways to connect with coworkers, Humbert said.
If someone shares gossip and you don’t want to partake, you could say, “I see where you’re coming from,” or “I hear you,” and then change the subject, Humbert said. Or try, “I heard about that, but I don’t know all the details, so I don’t want to talk about that right now.”
Then pivot the conversation to shared interests, such as restaurant or travel recommendations, weekend plans, musical instruments or sports. Humbert likes to have two or three conversational topics prepared in advance.
“These are ways that we can still build those professional relationships without it being around something negative or around gossip,” Humbert said.
It’s human nature to talk about each other, but think about whether what you are tempted to share might be untrue and whether you’d say it to the person you’re gossiping about, Joseph said.
“Workplace gossip is going to happen, but let’s try to keep it as harmless as possible because it could be you. It could be any of us at any time,” she said. “I enjoy some tea, as they say, but I am also very conscious of how is it going to affect other people.”
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